Phi

Some days I don’t think that I can take it,

though I know that I will,

just so much space between us,

seems unjust to me,

just to be,

so far,

so far from you,

and inside me aches,

and pains feel like ligaments tearing from inside my ribs,

places where you came from within me,

organs that I can’t live without,

ages that were torn from me,

those which I’ve sworn to protect,

that which I’d crush boulders over,

and lonely doesn’t even begin to cover,

the gaps between us,

and salt and water could never span the chasm formed there,

and I’ve never been so hurt nor destroyed since this,

since you were out of sight,

no longer within reach,

when everything within me began to spasm,

for there within my core,

was the closest thing,

nearest notion,

to death,

the idea of life without you,

I’ll let that burn in your retinas for just a moment,

like a flashbulb’s incandescant humor,

like a lost harp in a forbidden tunnel,

one I’m sure you’ll go to soon,

too soon,

and in white nonetheless,

and you’ll be too far,

so far from me,

and never again within reach,

never a fucking gain,

but I’ll hope and pray,

that you’ll remember my name,

that you’ll say it to yourself in those dark moments,

whether I can answer or not,

I’ll be with you there,

I’ll believe in you,

and though not now,

but too soon,

I’ll let go of your hand,

and I suppose,

I suppose you’ll stand,

alone.

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