I am madly in love with the vast majority of you. This is my disclaimer. I am quite angry, so if you’re thinking about posting some trite response… Please don’t, you’re wasting time.
I saw the news this morning. I don’t watch the news, because of days like this. There was a 30 second segment regarding a killing on J street in Oxnard. I was disturbed.
My family lived in Cuesta del Mar for a few months in ’07. If you don’t know what that is, you might be privileged. I remember my babies being chewed on by cockroaches. I specifically recall my little neighbor, a five year old child (he was white), digging through my garbage to find food. His caretakers had sold his foodstamps to buy more methamphetamine. It was ghetto on the lowest level. That man caught a third strike, I was elated, that child starving piece of shit went away forever.
Nobody really cares though, I mean it really doesn’t matter if it’s not yours; does it? I’m lying naked in a bed that’s not mine drinking Parrot coconut water. You see, I’m not excluding myself from the bourgeoisie. I’m neglectful, I’m irresponsible, and I’m just as culpable as the rest of we. But, I’m tired, I’m sad, and I’m fucking angry. I hate your world, I can’t believe this is what we tolerate.
I met a kid who’s ten year old girlfriend drowned herself in an out house. Let that sink in…
A ten year old girl died expiring fecal matter somewhere in Mexico, and I don’t know the name of the town nor the girl; but I can make some amazing rice. She’s blowing bubbles on turds, and I’m feeling kind of hungry. I hate this. If I were Oppenheimer, I’d have prayed against the discovery of critical mass.
People call me irresponsible for having children. They’re the only good thing I’ve left in this world. I worked three jobs in Vegas heat, so that people could offer my wife cash for blowjobs. I hope your world burns. I hope chaos restores order. I wish change was like common sense.
I still wake up, I still smile at the sky. I love the flowers, I talk to the trees, I’m covered in sand. I breathe because I can. I’m happy, but I’m afraid that makes me insane. I can’t handle the news. Please stop it. I’ve had enough. So I’ll go to sleep when I’m done shedding tears. Mickey and Minnie will recover, and maybe I’ll see you at the thrift store, on the Avenue. Maybe change is just a few dimes and pennies spent on jeans and a ceramic vase. I suppose that may be all that matters. Maybe.